Step one : VALUES
We all think we know our values, until someone asks us to name them. This simple exercise showed me why some friendships faded, why certain jobs felt wrong, and why clarity has to be created...
First Steps: My Values
Most people think they know their values, but when they are asked to name them, they hesitate. They remember what they were taught to value, what they believe they should value, or what sounds socially acceptable. The values that actually guide your decisions, the ones that act as your real compass, often live much deeper than that.
I did this exercise myself, and at first it felt almost trivial. Choosing ten words from a list seemed like the simplest task in the world. But once I picked them, something unexpected happened. Not immediately, but gradually. These ten values became a filter, a kind of strainer. I started putting my choices, my relationships, and my work through them. Some friendships did not survive that clarity. Some career paths did not either. Even though the process was uncomfortable, it was also liberating. I realised that values are not just ideas. They are boundaries. They tell you where you belong and where you do not.
This exercise helps you reconnect with what truly matters to you. Not the values you inherited, not the ones you perform for others, but the ones that quietly shape how you move through the world.
Step 1: Choose Your Ten Core Values
Find a list of values online and read through it slowly.
Choose the ten values that resonate with you the most.
Let instinct guide you. If a word pulls you, trust it.
Step 2: Rank Them by Importance
Put your ten values in order from one to ten.
No ties. Ranking forces clarity and honesty.
Step 3: Write One Sentence for Each Value
For each of the ten values, write one short sentence explaining why it matters to you.
One sentence is enough. Keep it clear, personal, and instinctive.
Step 4: Divide Them Into Two Categories
Inherited Values
Values shaped by your upbringing, family, education, or culture.
Self Constructed Values
Values formed through contrast, rebellion, difficulty, freedom, or personal experience.
Seeing the difference reveals how much of your internal compass is truly yours.
Step 5: Sort Them Into Life Domains
Create three columns.
• Values that guide your professional life
• Values that guide your personal life
• Values that guide both
Patterns will appear.
Some values belong to your work identity.
Some belong to your emotional world.
A few belong everywhere.
Follow Up Exercise: Bring Your Values Into Daily Life
Choose your top three values and look at your life through them.
Then ask yourself:
• What relationships in my life feel aligned with my values?
• What relationships consistently pull me away from them?
• In what ways does my current work reflect who I am and what I stand for?
• Where does it conflict with what I value?
• What kind of people help me grow in the direction of my values?
• Where can I find or create spaces where these people gather?
• How does this value appear in my life right now?
• Where do I see myself acting in harmony with it?
• What small and realistic action can I take each day to honour this value?
• What habit or decision would bring me closer to living it fully?
• Where am I acting against this value without noticing?
• What needs to change for me to realign?
• What boundary, choice, or conversation would help me live this value more honestly?
The work begins when the value becomes a behaviour, not just a word.
Closing Reflection
To finish, I want to share something simple. I recently asked several people a basic question.
What gives you motivation.
Some responded instantly, but many could not answer at all. A question that should have been obvious revealed something deeper. Clarity is not automatic. We have to create it. And our values are often the first and most powerful place to look.